Hi, I'm Karen
Welcome to the inner world of Me.
Every day I feel grateful for finding what I believe to be my life’s purpose. But I’m not going to lie to you, it was born out of my own trauma and desperate need to heal.
Growing up I had what most people would consider a very pleasant and privileged childhood. My dad was a business man, an authoritarian figure who took care of the family finances. My mum was more the nuturing type, she took care of all our physical needs and looked after our beautiful home. I was the youngest of 2 girls. My sister was confident, beautiful, fun and intelligent, everything I wished to be. With only 2 years apart in age, it seemed impossible for others not to compare us. The recognition and praise she received for her attributes and achievemnets felt like a personal blow and served as a constant reminder of my own inadequacies.
By nature I'm the gentle type, according to Myres Briggs personality test I'm an INFP (Introvert, Intuitive, Feeler, Perceiver). Basically I navigate the world intuitively and according to how people, places and experiences make me feel. As a child I had no understanding what this meant and my empathic tendencies made me feel weak and fragile. I had no idea that other people did not feel the world in this way. To spare other people from the weight of these debilitating emotions I thought I had to be "nice" no matter what, regardless of how I was being treated and no matter how harmful the enviorment.
My parents tried to overcompensate for my "fragilty" meaning anything remotely challenging or adventurous for me was discouraged, any possible chance of failure was avoided, and all battles ahead were fought! At that time I understood the intensity of their protection as love. I had no idea that they were both living life through the lens of their own unresolved trauma and their desperate need to protect me was driven by their own fear of loss.
I entered into my adult life feeling completely incapable, unfulfilled, regretful and disempowered. I had no sense of achievemnet and blamed myself for not trying hard enough. The intense panic I felt at the thought of failing was paralyzing and yet the avoidance of trying new things kept me stuck in a vicious cycle of shame & judgement!
Unconsciously I avoided the effort it would take to liberate myself from this cycle and I contiued for many years to search for acceptance outside of myself. My unhappiness provided it's own kind of safe haven for me. It relieved me of taking responsibity for my own success and reiterated that I needed to be taken care of. My unhappy marriage supported this narrative as did my unhealthy friendships and unfufilling job.
But it wasn't sustainable and I was quite literally pouring from an empty cup. At the age of 36 I broke down, I fell to my knees and surrendered. I could no longer pretend that the way I had been living my life was serving me. I could no longer deny that my marriage was over, my business was failing and that I was both emotionally and physically unwell. There were no more excuses valid enough to justify throwing the majority of my life away in fear.
My healing journey had began...
With courage & humilty I share with you my truth. A truth that for so long was buried deep inside my subconscious mind and body, lost beneath a false sense of self. In sharing my story I hope to inspire many more of you to embark on your own healing journey within.
We all come into this world with a clean slate. We are all born as innocent, unconditioned and malleable beings. We can return to this pure state of being if we make the effort to peel back the layers of hurt that have blocked us from our true power within.
YOU are not broken.
YOU are worth knowing and understanding.
YOU are worth the effort it takes to discover the serene healing power of love within YOU!
Thank you for being here with me.
Karen x